Alice,

RE: Virgin wonders, "Will it ever be good for me?"

I had the experience of having my boyfriend insert his fingers in me for the first time last week. It wasn't that pleasurable, but I communicated with him to how deep and to slow down or even stop if I felt uncomfortable. Alice brought up a few good points. Arousal is very important, but you must be comfortable with your partner first.

1) Practice on yourself. Insert a finger (lube it first) and just experiment with different pressures and speed. You don't have to go in all the way at first.

2) Let him know what you haven't done. I tell each guy I get physical with I'm not very experienced. I'm still a virgin and wish to remain so. They would take it slow and ask me if I like what they're doing, and of course, stop if I don't.

3) Start off slow. You could have him put pressure on your vagina instead of penetration. I found this worked the best for me. In this way, I began to have some feeling down there so I could associate pleasure with that spot instead of fear.

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(2)

Dear Alice,

To Wondering Virgin: You are not alone. Please don't get disillusioned by one disappointing experiment. TV, magazines and music videos all trumpet ludicrous messages like: "Everyone except me is enjoying super-sex all of the time." In reality, many people feel the same way you do. For the sake of your happiness, I recommend that you don't have intercourse until you are really ready for it. I didn't enjoy my first sexual relationship because I was ignorant and had no idea what I wanted or how to ask for it. Because of this bad experience, for many months I hated myself, my boyfriend, and the whole idea of sex and relationships. It took me years to figure out how to get pleasure from sex. If you decide to try finger-in-vagina, you can help things go smoothly by asking your boyfriend to trim his fingernails and applying some water-based lubricant to your vagina. You can buy lubricant in the family planning section of most drugstores. When you're alone, why not experiment with yourself? Try touching your vagina and clitoris in different places and using different kinds of strokes. You are almost sure to discover some moves that excite you, and then you and your boyfriend can learn together. There's no reason that you can't have lots of pleasurable sex in the future. The key to enjoying sex is to find out what makes you feel good, ask your partner to do the things that arouse you and to do the same thing when it comes to what your partner likes. I hope this letter helps and isn't too long-winded. Best wishes for a happy and pleasure-filled future.

Sincerely,
Late Bloomer