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Medications
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Are anti-depressants ruining our sex life?
Originally Published: October 24, 2003
~ Last Updated / Reviewed on: December 19, 2003
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Dear Alice, Heard about your column in the Chicago Tribune this morning. My first visit to your site, and it's very nice My question is this... My boyfriend and I are both 52 — and what started out as an exciting sexual relationship came to a crashing halt when he was diagnosed with a mild depression due to losing his job, moving, divorce, etc. He was prescribed Effexor — a mild antidepressant/anxiety reliever that he claims has reduced his sexual drive to ZERO. He says he's very tired (he is) and is supposed to be on this stuff for a year. Can this medication do this to him? He says that it has to bother him more than it bothers me!! I feel lonely and beginning to think it's just an excuse to keep some distance between us. He says he loves me every day, is very affectionate and loving ~ but I hate this and don't know what to do. Thanks, Alice ~~ Lonely in Chicago
Dear Lonely in Chicago, Your boyfriend sounds as if he is going through a series of stressful events, including adjusting to a medication to manage his depression. Effexor (venlafaxine HCl) and other SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) can benefit people with depression or anxiety disorders, but there are some side effects. One common side effect is a decrease in sex drive, or libido, regardless of a person's age. This unintended effect seems to lessen over time. Users' bodies become accustomed to and adjust to the new chemical balances induced by the medication. This process, however, can take up to a year. If your boyfriend is only supposed to be on venlafaxine for one year, he might not experience this type of "rebounding" of his sexual appetite until after he stops his prescription regimen. It is clear that you miss your "exciting sexual relationship," but it is not clear how much your boyfriend misses it right now. If it does bother him, there are methods to mitigate the effects of venlafaxine, including regulating the medication in an on/off schedule, changing the dosage, or switching to a different SSRI. Your boyfriend shouldn't take any of these steps without first talking with his primary care provider, or to a psychiatrist, who may have more experience dealing with the sexual side effects of antidepressant medications. One of the symptoms of depression is the loss of sexual appetite and the physical changes that go along with it. Your boyfriend's depression may be playing a role in his decreased libido. This is certainly a possibility that is useful to talk about together. You mention your suspicions that your boyfriend may be using his medication as an excuse for keeping his distance from you. While this is understandably a difficult time for you, you might want to focus on signs that your boyfriend is interested in you and cares about you. You feel frustrated at the sudden change in your sex life. It's important to communicate this frustration and be open to your boyfriend's frustrations as well. The quality of communication between you and your boyfriend is always vital in a relationship, but especially in difficult periods in a relationship, such as this current one. Sometimes couples find it helpful to see a couples counselor or therapist to clarify issues affecting their relationship, such as changes in sexual desire and frequency. If you and your boyfriend think this would be helpful, you can get referrals from your primary health care provider(s). If one of you is a Columbia student, then you can see someone in Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS), where therapists work with couples as well as individuals. You can call x4-2878 to schedule an appointment.
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