I want to add that it is very important, if you are truly upset by the way a doctor has dealt with you, to tell that doctor. Someone who says "too many New York nights?" might be feeling uncomfortable herself and trying to break the ice. It might really help her develop the rapport with her patients that she needs to serve them well if she gets a polite letter that says that you were very uncomfortable and explains why.

It is up to you, ultimately, to decide whether to write to the hospital/office or to the doctor directly, but either way, you help all of her future patients a little by politely explaining what is wrong with what she said.

Some doctors still haven't confronted their own biases about STDs and HIV, who gets them and who doesn't.

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Dear Alice,

Dear Intimidated by uniforms,

I know how you feel. Doctors can be intimidating, but that does not give them the right to disrespect your health and integrity. I was abused by a doctor at a young age, but because I felt she had more authority over me, I never said anything till years later. It's your right, if at anytime you feel uncomfortable, to say, "excuse me, this visit is over," and get up and leave. It may sound scary, but me, my health, my money, and ultimately my life is on the line, so there is no room for a doctor to be rude, offensive, or abusive to me. Good luck!