Dear Lesbian and Reader #2,

One of the most important steps you can take to protect your partner from contracting herpes is to tell her that you have herpes. By being open and honest, you avoid the game playing that goes along with not informing your partner. It will also allow her to learn about herpes -- both from the perspective of protecting herself, as well as discovering what your experiences with the virus have been. You and she can communicate about what risks you are and are not willing to take together. Not only will this help you protect your partner, it may also help you develop a stronger and more open relationship.

The herpes virus is spread via direct skin-to-skin contact when the virus is active. Active means that you are either experiencing, or are just about to experience, an episode. Prior to an outbreak of herpes, most people notice an itching or tingling sensation. If you are asymptomatic, it will be hard to know when or if the virus is present on the surface of your skin. The chance that herpes can be spread when no symptoms are obvious is very small.

To prevent transmitting the virus, cover the area that might come in contact with the virus. You can use a non-lubed condom that you cut down the middle and spread open to cover your partner's vagina, clitoris, anus, or what have you when you have oral sex. It is easier to spread herpes from the mouth to the genitals, rather than the other way around.

Consider where most of your herpes episodes occur. On your mouth in the form of cold sores? On your inner thighs? On some part of your genitals? The most likely sites of transmission need to be covered to prevent spreading the herpes virus.

You and your partner may decide to take precautions, or you may avoid intimate contact when you believe the herpes virus is present on the surface of your skin. Many people with partners successfully protect themselves and their partners with safer sex techniques, and Alice hopes that these steps will work for you.

Whatever the decision, it's good to make it together, recognizing the risks involved and sharing the pleasures.

Alice

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