Dear Alice-

I am a generally happy graduate student here, with family nearby and good friends. However, I wanted to ask if maybe I should try counseling. When I was in my late teens, I had a traumatic family experience (death of a family member). Some months later I entered college, and promptly began to drink like a fish. I don't really know, to this day, how much of it was for fun and companionship and whatever, and how much was to dull the pain of recent events at home. Anyway, I stopped drinking the n ext year, and have since drunk alcohol with no signs (to me) that I had an alcoholism problem, which was often suggested to me that first year of college.

Now, I am in school, doing what I want, and involved for the last two years with a man I love very much, and who loves me. We are headed for long-term commitment, but I am afraid of wrecking it, because I often feel like I am freaking out and will sometimes cry and become very, very depressed, I think over these events I have mentioned. I trust him totally, and have discussed how much pain I feel sometimes, and that I think that perhaps I have never really worked out these issues of grief, loss, and trust in someone staying around. He reassures me, but I feel that I still need to get a grip on myself and deal with this, if it needs to still be dealt with, or I will either go mad or have him eventually become unwilling to wait around for me to deal with it. I have tried to explain things to him, like how horrible I sometimes feel, and he is very understanding, but I am asking you-do I need to talk to someone, or is this still part of the healing process or what--this all happened five years ago. My guess, unfortunately, is that I have a tendency for melodrama and depression anyway. In which case, I would just try to rein my emotions in and get control of myself. I need some reassurance, I guess. Sorry for the length of this letter, but I would greatly appreciate an objective observation. Thank you so much.

--Emotion-laden